Change Doesn't Have to Be Negative to Be Difficult

We often expect difficult events to be stressful.

What can be more confusing is struggling after something good happens.

You finally get the job.
You move into your own home.
You start university.
You enter a relationship.
You become a parent.
You receive the promotion.
You retire after years of looking forward to it.

And instead of feeling how you expected, you may feel:
  • Anxious
  • Overwhelmed
  • Uncertain
  • Exhausted
  • Homesick
  • Disconnected
  • Under pressure
  • Less confident
  • Unsure whether you made the right decision
  • Like you have somehow lost part of yourself

Positive transitions can still require substantial adjustment.

A wanted change can introduce new responsibilities, unfamiliar routines, different relationships and uncertainty about what comes next.

You don't have to choose between:
“I'm grateful this happened.”
and:
“I'm finding this difficult.”
Both can be true.
“I Should Be Happy, So Why Am I Struggling?”

Sometimes we create an expectation about how a major milestone is supposed to feel.
I should love university.
I should be grateful for this job.
I should be excited about moving out.
I wanted to become a parent.
I've been waiting years to retire.

When our actual emotional experience doesn't match that expectation, we can begin judging the emotion itself.

Instead of only experiencing uncertainty, we might start thinking:
“What's wrong with me?”
“Everyone else seems to be coping.”
“Maybe I've made a terrible mistake.”
“I should be happier than this.”

Finding a transition difficult doesn't automatically mean the decision was wrong.
It may simply mean that several important parts of your life have changed and you're still finding your footing.
What Is a Life Transition?

A life transition is a period of significant change where familiar roles, routines, relationships, environments or expectations shift.

Some transitions happen at relatively predictable stages of life.

Others occur unexpectedly.
A transition can affect:
  • Daily routines
  • Relationships
  • Responsibilities
  • Finances
  • Independence
  • Identity
  • Social connection
  • Work or study
  • Living arrangements
  • Family roles
  • Expectations
  • Sense of purpose
  • Future plans

This is one reason seemingly unrelated events can produce similar feelings.

Starting university and retiring are very different experiences.

But both can involve the question:
“My old routine has ended. What does life look like now?”
The “In-Between” Stage of Change

One of the difficult parts of a life transition can be feeling caught between what was familiar and what comes next.

Your previous life may no longer fit.

But the new one doesn't feel familiar yet.

You might have:
Finished university: but don't feel established in your career.
Moved away from home: but don't yet feel at home somewhere else.
Left a relationship: but don't know what life independently looks like.
Retired: but haven't discovered what gives your days meaning now.

This can feel uncomfortable or leave you wondering whether you're stuck.

But transitions don't always provide immediate clarity.
Sometimes adjusting means gradually learning what this next stage of life looks like.
Why Can Major Life Changes Feel So Overwhelming?

A significant transition rarely changes only one thing.
​
Starting a new job, for example, isn't simply:
“I have a new job.”
It might also mean:
  • Waking earlier
  • Commuting
  • Learning new systems
  • Meeting new people
  • Managing different expectations
  • Having less flexibility
  • Having less free time
  • Making more decisions
  • Changing exercise or sleep routines
  • Having less time with friends
  • Developing a new professional identity

The cumulative load matters.
Sometimes it isn't one enormous problem.
It's twenty smaller adjustments happening at the same time.
Signs You May Be Finding a Transition Difficult

You might notice:
  • Persistent worry
  • Overthinking
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Irritability
  • Feeling emotionally overwhelmed
  • Reduced confidence
  • Feeling lost or directionless
  • Repeatedly questioning your decisions
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Changes in sleep
  • Changes in appetite
  • Withdrawal
  • Reduced motivation
  • Feeling disconnected from other people
  • Difficulty maintaining routines
  • Avoiding decisions about the future
  • Constantly comparing yourself with others
  • Feeling that you should be coping better
  • Feeling unsure who you are in this new stage of life

These experiences don't automatically tell us why someone is struggling.
Instead, they can be useful signals to look more closely at what has changed, what feels difficult and what support might help.
Finishing High School

Leaving school can bring excitement alongside considerable uncertainty.

For years, much of life may have been structured around:
School → terms → subjects → teachers → classmates → holidays → graduation

Then suddenly:
“What now?”

Young people may be making decisions about:
  • University
  • TAFE
  • Employment
  • Apprenticeships
  • Gap years
  • Moving away
  • Finances
  • Friendships
  • Independence

There can also be pressure to choose a career before someone has had much opportunity to experience adult working life.
Not having your entire future mapped out immediately after school doesn't mean you're falling behind.
Starting University, TAFE or Further Study

Starting further education can involve significant changes in:
  • Structure
  • Independence
  • Academic expectations
  • Time management
  • Social environments
  • Travel
  • Finances
  • Living arrangements

Some students may be surprised by how different independent study feels compared with school.

Others may find the social transition more difficult than the academic one.

For students who move away from home, they may also be adjusting to independence, new household responsibilities and being away from familiar people and places.
“I Finished University, Why Do I Feel Lost?”

Finishing university can remove a structure that has organised life for several years.
There may suddenly be:
  • No timetable
  • No semester
  • No obvious next milestone
  • Job applications without guaranteed outcomes
  • Uncertainty about career direction
  • Financial pressures
  • Comparison with graduates who appear to be progressing faster

You may have spent years working towards graduation only to reach it and wonder:
“What happens now?”

Try separating:
“I haven't worked out my next step yet.”
from:
“I'm falling behind.”

They aren't the same thing.
The Transition From University to Full-Time Work

Moving from study into full-time employment can significantly change the rhythm of everyday life.

Study may have allowed some flexibility around classes, assignments and personal time.

Full-time employment can suddenly involve:
Five workdays → commuting → workplace expectations → household responsibilities → less flexible time → weekends that seem much shorter

Even when you've worked hard to secure the position, adjusting to the routine can take time.

It may also raise bigger questions:
  • Is this the career I actually want?
  • Do I dislike this particular workplace or the profession itself?
  • What do I want my life outside work to look like?
  • How do I make time for relationships, interests and rest?

You don't necessarily need immediate answers to all of these questions.
Starting a New Job

Even experienced workers can find starting somewhere new challenging.

You may temporarily move from:
“I know what I'm doing.”
to:
“I don't know how anything works here.”
There are new:
  • People
  • Systems
  • Expectations
  • Relationships
  • Routines
  • Responsibilities
  • Workplace cultures

Feeling less confident while learning a new environment doesn't necessarily mean you're incapable or that you've made the wrong decision.
You may simply be new.
Career Changes

Changing careers can involve excitement alongside uncertainty about:
  • Starting again
  • Transferable skills
  • Income
  • Retraining
  • Qualifications
  • Career progression
  • Whether the new direction will work
  • How others will respond to your decision

A useful distinction can be:
“What am I moving away from?”
and:
“What am I moving towards?”

Both questions can provide useful information when considering a significant career change.
Redundancy & Job Loss

Losing employment can affect much more than income.
Work can provide:
  • Routine
  • Social contact
  • Professional identity
  • Purpose
  • Financial security
  • Confidence
  • A sense of contribution

Unexpected job loss may therefore affect several parts of life simultaneously.

It can also create immediate practical concerns about finances, employment and future plans.

Emotional support may be helpful alongside appropriate financial, employment or other practical assistance.
Leaving Home

Moving away from the family home can represent independence while also involving the loss of familiar:
  • Routines
  • Family contact
  • Financial arrangements
  • Surroundings
  • Responsibilities
  • Everyday support

You can want independence and still miss home.
Feeling homesick doesn't automatically mean moving out was the wrong decision.
Moving or Relocating

Relocation can affect:
  • Friendships
  • Family connection
  • Work
  • Community
  • Familiar places
  • Healthcare
  • Daily routines
  • Sense of belonging

The physical move may happen in a day.

Feeling settled can take considerably longer.

Sometimes people underestimate how many small familiar things disappear when they relocate, the places they shop, the route they drive, the people nearby and the routines that previously happened almost automatically.

Creating new familiarity can take time.
Friendship Changes During Life Transitions

Transitions can alter friendships even when no conflict has occurred.
After school or university, people may:
  • Move away
  • Work different schedules
  • Enter relationships
  • Become parents
  • Develop different interests
  • Have less spontaneous time together
You may still care deeply about someone while finding that the friendship now looks different.

For younger people, friendship difficulties may also overlap with school, bullying, exclusion or social communication experiences.
Explore Friendship, Bullying & Social Difficulties in Children & Teenagers
Beginning or Ending a Relationship

Relationships can significantly change:
  • Daily routines
  • Identity
  • Living arrangements
  • Social networks
  • Future plans
  • Finances
  • Responsibilities
Beginning a relationship can require adjustment just as ending one can.

After separation, someone may need to rebuild routines and reconsider plans that previously involved another person.

There may also be a difference between knowing intellectually that a relationship needed to end and emotionally adjusting to the life that follows.
Becoming a Parent

Becoming a parent can involve enormous changes to:
  • Sleep
  • Relationships
  • Identity
  • Work
  • Finances
  • Independence
  • Social life
  • Responsibility
  • Daily routines
Someone can deeply love their child while finding the transition into parenthood difficult.

Those experiences aren't mutually exclusive.

Parenthood may also change how someone sees themselves, their relationship, their career and what they want from life.

Significant or persistent concerns about mental health during pregnancy or after having a baby should be discussed with an appropriate health professional.
Returning to Work After Having Children

Returning to work may bring mixed emotions.
Someone may feel:
  • Excited to return
  • Guilty about leaving their child
  • Worried about childcare
  • Less confident professionally
  • Overwhelmed by competing demands
  • Relieved to reconnect with work
  • Unsure how their professional identity now fits with parenthood

There isn't one correct way to feel about returning to work.

Different emotions can exist together.
Separation & Divorce in Adulthood

Separation can involve changes to:
  • Home
  • Parenting
  • Finances
  • Friendships
  • Identity
  • Future plans
  • Family relationships
  • Daily routines
Someone may experience grief even when they initiated the separation or believe ending the relationship was necessary.

Where children are involved, they may also be adjusting to significant changes within their own world.

Explore Family Changes & Adjustment in Children & Teenagers
Becoming a Carer

Becoming responsible for supporting a partner, parent, child or another important person can significantly change everyday life.
Caring roles may affect:
  • Time
  • Employment
  • Relationships
  • Sleep
  • Social connection
  • Finances
  • Future plans
  • Personal identity

People can care deeply about someone while also finding the responsibilities of caring difficult.
Those experiences don't cancel each other out.
Health & Disability-Related Changes

Changes in health or functional capacity may require adjustment to:
  • Work
  • Independence
  • Mobility
  • Relationships
  • Roles
  • Routines
  • Everyday activities
  • Future plans
Sometimes adjustment involves finding different ways to participate in activities that remain important.

Sometimes it involves coming to terms with aspects of life that have changed.

The experience and support required will be different for each person.
When Children Leave Home

Parents can spend many years organising significant parts of life around raising children.
When children move out, parents may experience:
  • Pride
  • Excitement
  • Freedom
  • Sadness
  • Loneliness
  • Changes in relationships
  • Questions about identity or purpose
Again:
Relief and loss can coexist.
A quieter home or increased independence may be welcome while the change in everyday family life still takes time to adjust to.
Retirement

Retirement can be an exciting opportunity for greater freedom, travel, family, hobbies and activities that previously had to fit around work.
But work may also have provided:
  • Routine
  • Social connection
  • Identity
  • Responsibility
  • Purpose
  • Structure
  • A sense of contribution

A person may have spent years asking:
“When can I retire?”
and then unexpectedly find themselves asking:
“What do I do now?”

Retirement doesn't need to mean replacing every hour of work with another activity.

But developing new routines, connections and meaningful ways to spend time can form part of adjusting to this stage of life.
Identity During Major Life Changes

Some transitions don't simply change what you do.

They can change how you understand yourself.

You may have thought of yourself as:
A student.
A professional.
A partner.
A parent with children at home.
A carer.
Someone who works.

When that role changes, you may begin asking:
“Who am I now?”
Identity doesn't need to be rebuilt overnight.

A new stage of life can involve discovering which parts of your previous identity remain important and what new parts may develop.
Explore Confidence, Self-Esteem & Identity
Comparing Your Timeline With Everyone Else's

Transitions can create opportunities for comparison.

Friends, family and social media can make it appear that everyone else is:
Graduating → travelling → finding the perfect job → buying a house → getting married → having children → succeeding
while you're somehow behind.

But there isn't one universal sequence for adulthood.
  • People change careers.
  • People return to study.
  • People move home.
  • People start relationships at different ages.
  • People choose not to have children.
  • People retire and begin something completely new.

A different timeline isn't automatically a failed one.
Decision Paralysis During Change

Major transitions can create multiple decisions at once.
  • Should I stay?
  • Should I leave?
  • Should I study?
  • Should I change careers?
  • Should I move?
  • What if I regret it?

Waiting for absolute certainty before making any decision can sometimes leave someone feeling increasingly stuck.

It may be more useful to ask:
  • What information do I have now?
  • What matters most to me?
  • What risks am I comfortable accepting?
  • Which parts of this decision can be changed later?
  • What is the next reasonable step?

Not every decision needs to solve the rest of your life.
Autism & Life Transitions

For some autistic people, significant transitions may involve substantial changes in:
  • Predictability
  • Routine
  • Sensory environments
  • Social expectations
  • Communication demands
  • Executive functioning demands

Support may involve:
  • Increasing predictability
  • Breaking transitions into smaller steps
  • Visiting new environments beforehand
  • Providing written or visual information
  • Maintaining familiar routines where possible
  • Planning for sensory needs
  • Allowing additional processing time
  • Identifying what will remain the same
  • Reducing unnecessary uncertainty

The aim shouldn't be to eliminate someone's need for predictability.

Instead, support can focus on making the transition more understandable and manageable.
Explore Autism Support & Resources
ADHD & Life Transitions

Transitions can increase executive functioning demands.
A new job, university, moving home or another major change may require someone to simultaneously manage:
  • New routines
  • Planning
  • Time management
  • Organisation
  • Working memory
  • Task initiation
  • New responsibilities
  • Different environments

Practical supports can reduce the cognitive load rather than relying solely on trying harder to remember or organise everything.
This might include calendars, reminders, checklists, preparing items in advance, simplifying routines or breaking larger tasks into smaller steps.
Explore ADHD Support & Resources
When Several Changes Happen at Once

Sometimes the issue isn't one transition.

It might be:
Graduation → moving → starting work → friendship changes → relationship changes → financial independence
all within a relatively short period.

Each change may seem manageable when considered separately.

Together, they can create a substantial cumulative load.

When you find yourself thinking:
“Why can't I cope with this one thing?”
consider whether you're actually adjusting to many things at once.

Explore Stress, Feeling Overwhelmed & Burnout

How Can You Make a Transition More Manageable?

Identify What Has Actually Changed

Instead of:
“Everything feels different.”
break it down.
​
What specifically has changed about your:
  • Routine?
  • Relationships?
  • Responsibilities?
  • Environment?
  • Finances?
  • Identity?
  • Social life?
  • Expectations?

Turning one enormous concept called “my whole life has changed” into several smaller areas can make it easier to identify what actually needs attention.
Identify What Hasn't Changed

During uncertainty, attention can become dominated by everything that is different.

Also consider:
What remains familiar?

This might include:
  • Important relationships
  • Interests
  • Values
  • Skills
  • Places
  • Activities
  • Parts of your routine
Continuity can matter during change.
Rebuild Structure

When an old structure disappears, deliberately creating a new one may help.
Consider:
  • Sleep and waking routines
  • Meals
  • Exercise or movement
  • Social connection
  • Hobbies and interests
  • Household tasks
  • Time outside work or study
  • Regular downtime
  • Activities that give the week some structure

The aim isn't to create a rigid schedule.
It's to establish enough predictability that every day doesn't feel completely unstructured.
Give Yourself Time to Learn the New Normal

Being new at something usually involves uncertainty.
You may not immediately know:
  • How long tasks take
  • What routines work
  • Who you connect with
  • How much energy something requires
  • What boundaries you need
You don't need to feel completely settled immediately.
Stay Connected

Transitions can unintentionally reduce social connection.
Moving, starting full-time work, becoming a parent or retiring can all change when and how you see other people.
Maintaining existing relationships while gradually developing new connections can provide continuity.
Make Space for Mixed Emotions

Try replacing:
“I shouldn't feel this way.”
with:
“What is this feeling telling me about what has changed?”
​
You can miss what you had while appreciating what you have now.
Focus on the Next Step, Not Your Entire Future

You don't necessarily need a ten-year plan.

Sometimes the more useful question is:
“What is the next reasonable step?”

That might be making one phone call, submitting one application, developing one new routine, having one conversation or giving yourself more time before making another major decision.
What Not to Tell Yourself

Be cautious with:
“Everyone else has figured this out.”
“I should be happy.”
“I'm too old to change direction.”
“If I made the right decision, I wouldn't feel anxious.”
“I'm falling behind.”
“I need to know exactly what I'm doing with my life.”

These statements can turn uncertainty into self-judgement.

A transition doesn't need to feel easy to eventually become the right fit for you.

When Might Counselling Help?

Not every life transition requires counselling.

Time, support from people you trust, practical problem-solving and adjusting routines may be enough.

Counselling may be worth considering when difficulties are:
  • Persistent
  • Increasing
  • Affecting everyday functioning
  • Affecting sleep
  • Affecting work or study
  • Affecting relationships
  • Contributing to significant anxiety
  • Contributing to ongoing low mood
  • Creating persistent uncertainty or self-doubt
  • Leaving you feeling stuck
  • Making it difficult to make decisions
  • Affecting your sense of identity or direction

You don't necessarily need to wait until things become overwhelming before discussing them with someone.
How Can Counselling Help With Life Transitions?

Counselling may provide space to:
  • Understand your response to change
  • Explore mixed emotions
  • Manage uncertainty
  • Identify sources of stress
  • Explore identity and changing roles
  • Clarify values and priorities
  • Develop coping strategies
  • Consider boundaries
  • Work through experiences of loss
  • Explore decisions
  • Develop routines that better fit your circumstances
  • Identify what is within and outside your control

The aim isn't for a Counsellor to tell you which life decision to make.

Counselling can instead provide space to understand the factors influencing your decisions, consider what matters to you and explore possible ways forward.
Life Transition Counselling in Falcon & Mandurah

Belong Health provides counselling from our Falcon clinic:
Belong Health
13 Littleton Street
Falcon WA 6211

Our Counsellors support teenagers, adults and older adults experiencing life changes, uncertainty, stress, relationship changes and other emotional wellbeing concerns.

Explore Counselling
Enquire About Counselling
Telehealth Counselling Across Perth & Western Australia

Where clinically appropriate, counselling may also be available via telehealth across Perth and Western Australia.

This may provide an option for people who:
  • Live elsewhere in Perth
  • Live regionally or remotely
  • Find travel difficult
  • Have work or family commitments
  • Prefer engaging from a familiar environment

Suitability is considered individually.
​
Explore Telehealth Counselling
Free 20-Minute Meet & Greet

Where available, Belong Health offers a free 20-minute Meet & Greet with a Counsellor before deciding whether to proceed.
You can:
  • Meet the Counsellor
  • Briefly discuss what has been happening
  • Ask questions
  • Learn about their approach
  • Discuss whether counselling may be appropriate
  • Decide whether the Counsellor feels like a suitable fit

There is no obligation to continue after the Meet & Greet.
Book a Free Meet & Greet
Related Resources

You may also find these Belong Health resources helpful:
Adult Counselling
Children & Teens Counselling
Anxiety, Worry & Feeling Overwhelmed
Stress, Feeling Overwhelmed & Burnout
Confidence, Self-Esteem & Identity
Grief, Loss & Bereavement
Family Changes & Adjustment in Children & Teenagers
Autism Support & Resources
ADHD Support & Resources

Frequently Asked Questions About Life Transitions & Coping With Change

What is a life transition?
A life transition is a period of significant change involving areas such as relationships, education, employment, living arrangements, family roles, health, identity or retirement. Transitions may be planned, unexpected, positive, difficult or a mixture of these experiences.

Why do major life changes feel so difficult?
A major change can affect multiple areas of everyday life at once, including routines, relationships, responsibilities, identity, finances and expectations. Adjusting to several changes simultaneously can take time.

Can positive life changes cause stress or anxiety?
Yes. Starting a wanted job, moving home, entering a relationship, becoming a parent or retiring can be positive while still involving uncertainty and adjustment.

Why am I anxious when something good is happening?
Positive events can still involve unfamiliar environments, new responsibilities, changed routines and uncertainty. Feeling anxious doesn't automatically mean the change was a mistake.

Why do I feel like I've lost my identity after a major change?
Roles such as student, employee, partner, parent or carer can become important parts of how we understand ourselves. When a role changes, it may take time to develop a sense of identity within the next stage of life.

Why do I feel lost after finishing university?
Graduation can remove a familiar structure and create uncertainty about employment, further study, finances and future direction. Not knowing your next step immediately doesn't mean you're falling behind.

Is it normal to struggle when starting full-time work?
Moving from school or university into full-time employment can significantly change routines, responsibilities, free time and expectations. Some people need time to adjust while also considering whether the particular role or career suits them.

Why am I struggling after starting a new job?
New jobs involve learning unfamiliar systems, relationships, expectations and routines. Temporary uncertainty or reduced confidence can be part of adjusting to a new workplace.

Is it normal to feel homesick after moving out?
Yes. Wanting independence and missing familiar people, places and routines can occur at the same time.

Can moving to a new city affect emotional wellbeing?
Relocation can change social connections, routines, work, community and familiar environments. Some people may experience loneliness, uncertainty or difficulty feeling settled while they adjust.

Can changing careers cause anxiety?
Yes. Career changes may involve uncertainty about skills, finances, retraining, identity and whether the new direction will work.

Can job loss affect confidence and identity?
Yes. Employment can provide income, routine, social connection, professional identity and purpose. Losing a job may therefore affect several areas of life.

Is it normal to struggle after becoming a parent?
Becoming a parent involves major changes to sleep, identity, relationships, responsibilities and routines. People can love becoming a parent while finding the transition difficult. Significant or persistent mental health concerns during pregnancy or after birth should be discussed with an appropriate health professional.

Why am I finding retirement difficult?
Retirement can involve changes to routine, social connection, identity, responsibility and purpose. Some people need time to develop a new structure and sense of direction after leaving work.

Can several small changes become overwhelming?
Yes. The cumulative impact of multiple changes can be substantial even when no single change appears overwhelming on its own.

Are life transitions harder for autistic people?
Experiences vary. Some autistic people may find changes in routine, predictability, sensory environments or expectations particularly demanding. Clear information, preparation and maintaining familiar supports where possible may help.

Can ADHD make life transitions more difficult?
For some people with ADHD, transitions can increase demands involving planning, organisation, working memory, time management and establishing new routines.

How long does it take to adjust to a major life change?
There is no universal timeframe. Adjustment depends on the nature of the change, individual circumstances, other changes occurring simultaneously, available support and the impact on everyday life.

How can I cope with a major life transition?
It may help to identify exactly what has changed, rebuild useful routines, maintain social connection, break large problems into smaller steps, allow mixed emotions and focus on the next manageable step rather than trying to solve your entire future at once.

When should I consider counselling?
Counselling may be worth considering when difficulties are persistent or increasing, significantly affecting everyday life, relationships, work, study, sleep or emotional wellbeing, or leaving you feeling persistently stuck or overwhelmed.

Can counselling help with life transitions?
Counselling may help people explore their response to change, manage uncertainty, understand mixed emotions, clarify priorities, consider decisions and develop strategies for adjusting to new circumstances.

Will a Counsellor tell me what decision to make?
Counselling generally isn't about having someone make major life decisions for you. A Counsellor may help you explore your circumstances, priorities, concerns and options so you can make decisions that are appropriate for you.

Where does Belong Health provide counselling?
In-clinic counselling is available from Belong Health's Falcon clinic near Mandurah. Telehealth may also be available across Perth and Western Australia where clinically appropriate.

Can I meet the Counsellor before starting?
Where available, Belong Health offers a free 20-minute Meet & Greet so you can briefly discuss your needs, ask questions and decide whether the Counsellor may be an appropriate fit.

How do I get started?
Contact Belong Health or complete the online enquiry form. Our admin team can discuss current availability and next steps.
​Last reviewed: August 2026
This page is reviewed periodically to reflect current evidence, clinical practice and relevant NDIS guidance.
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