How to Become an Emotion Coach for Your Child

Understanding the Emotional Roots of Behaviour
Research by Dr. John Gottman has shown that effective parenting is rooted in understanding the emotional origins of challenging behaviours. His studies identified four distinct parenting styles, each reflecting patterns learned in childhood. Recognising these styles can help parents adopt a more emotionally supportive approach.
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1. The Dismissing Parent
The Dismissing Parent tends to ignore or minimise negative emotions. This parent often ridicules or suppresses feelings, believing that emotions are unhealthy or dangerous. They might use distractions or time-outs as solutions instead of addressing the emotions directly.
Impact on Children:
Children raised by dismissing parents often feel that something is wrong with them. They may struggle to regulate their emotions and believe their feelings are inappropriate or abnormal, leading to difficulties in emotional expression and resilience.

2. The Disapproving Parent
Similar to the dismissing parent, the Disapproving Parent is critical and controlling. They judge or punish emotional expressions, emphasising discipline without considering the emotional meaning behind their child's behaviour.
Impact on Children:
The effects on children are akin to those of dismissive parenting; they often feel invalidated and have trouble managing their emotions. This can lead to anxiety and a lack of emotional intelligence.

3. The Laissez-Faire Parent
The Laissez-Faire Parent is overly permissive, offering little guidance on handling emotions or solving problems. They set few boundaries, allowing emotions to be experienced without providing the necessary tools for constructive management.
Impact on Children:
Children raised in this environment may struggle with focus, forming healthy friendships, and effectively regulating their emotions. This lack of guidance can lead to challenges in both social and academic settings.

4. The Emotion Coach
The Emotion Coach represents a proactive approach to parenting. Unlike the other styles, this parent views emotional moments as opportunities for connection and teaching. When children express emotions, the Emotion Coach guides them through five key steps:

• Be Aware of Your Child’s Emotions: Recognize emotional signals and respond with empathy.
• Recognise Emotional Expressions as Opportunities: View these moments as chances to bond and educate.
• Listen Empathetically: Validate your child's feelings to make them feel understood.
• Help Your Child Label Their Emotions: Teach them to identify and express what they feel.
• Set Boundaries and Assist with Problem-Solving: Help your child navigate their feelings while providing guidance on how to manage difficult situations.

Impact on Children:
Emotionally coached children tend to exhibit greater confidence, improved social and academic performance, and even better physical health. By helping children understand and regulate their emotions, parents equip them with essential skills for success in various aspects of life.

Strategies to Apply Emotion Coaching
To effectively implement Emotion Coaching, consider these strategies in your daily interactions with your child:

• Show Empathy and Understanding: When your child feels upset or misunderstood, actively listen to their feelings. Engage in discussions that explore the underlying causes of their emotions.
• Pay Attention to Responses: Observe how your child reacts during emotional conversations. This can give you insights into their emotional needs and coping mechanisms.
• Validate Feelings: Focus on understanding your child's perspective before addressing the issue at hand. Use phrases like, "I understand that you're feeling upset, and that's okay."
• Prioritise Your Child’s Agenda: Instead of pushing your own agenda, respect your child’s problem-solving abilities. Offer guidance with affection and support, allowing them to find solutions.

​Co-Regulating Emotions
In addition to teaching self-regulation, co-regulation is a vital part of the Emotion Coaching process. This means working alongside your child to help them navigate their emotions. Use techniques such as:

• Model Calmness: Demonstrate how to handle emotions effectively by staying calm during challenging moments.
• Breathe Together: Practise deep breathing exercises to help your child regulate their emotions when they feel overwhelmed.
• Engage in Mindfulness Activities: Introduce mindfulness practices like meditation or yoga to help your child develop awareness of their feelings and learn self-regulation techniques.

Additional Tips for Emotion Coaching

• Create a Safe Emotional Environment: Encourage open discussions about feelings without fear of judgement. Let your child know it’s okay to express their emotions.
• Use Storytelling: Share stories or books that highlight emotional experiences, helping your child relate and understand their feelings better.
• Celebrate Progress: Acknowledge and praise your child’s efforts in expressing and managing their emotions, reinforcing their growth.

​By adopting the Emotion Coach approach, you can help your child build emotional intelligence, resilience, and the skills they need to navigate life's challenges successfully.

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Explore Home Therapy Packs
Our guides provide practical strategies to support children facing these challenges. To further enhance your approach, consider our Home Therapy Packs, designed to engage children and improve focus at home.
Explore Home Therapy Packs

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Medicare
You can get a referral from your/your child’s GP for OT on a Chronic Disease Management (CDM) plan this gives you 5 sessions for OT per calendar year with a $53 rebate available on each session or a Helping Children with Autism/PDD/ or an eligible disability package (20 sessions between allied health professionals, as set up by a Paediatrician/Psychiatrist) which gives your child under 16 years a $75 rebate per session for the 20 sessions, you can use up to 10 sessions per Health Professional (up to 10 for OT) and you will need a separate referral letter from your child’s Paediatrician for each Allied Health Professional you are seeking services from. 

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Your Private Health fund may cover up to 75% of the cost of OT sessions if this is included in your cover, be sure to call them or check your policy for details.

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You do not require a referral for accessing OT

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