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Start by Understanding What Is Happening

Before deciding how to respond to a behaviour, try to understand what may be happening before, during and after it occurs.
Consider questions such as:

• What happened immediately beforehand?
• Was the child asked to stop a preferred activity?
• Was there an unexpected change?
• Was the environment noisy, crowded or overwhelming?
• Was the child tired, hungry, uncomfortable or unwell?
• Was the task too difficult, unclear or lengthy?
• Was the child able to communicate what they needed?
• What happened after the behaviour?
• Does the same pattern occur in particular places, situations or routines?

Looking for patterns can provide much more useful information than focusing on the behaviour alone.

For behaviours that are persistent, complex or significantly affecting everyday life, a more structured assessment may be appropriate. A Functional Behaviour Assessment can explore the factors contributing to behaviour and help inform individualised support strategies.

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Behaviour May Have a Purpose
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Children don't always have the language, regulation skills or self-awareness to explain what is happening internally.

​Behaviour may sometimes communicate or achieve something important for the child, such as:

• escaping or avoiding something overwhelming;
• gaining access to something they need or value;
• seeking connection or interaction;
• communicating pain or discomfort;
• responding to sensory overload or seeking sensory input;
• expressing frustration, uncertainty or anxiety;
• communicating that a task is too difficult;
• trying to create predictability or control;
• responding to fatigue, hunger or other physical needs.

This doesn't mean every behaviour has one simple explanation.


Behaviour is complex. Several factors may be interacting at the same time, which is why curiosity and observation are often more useful than making assumptions.

1. Build Connection Before Correction

Children generally find it easier to learn, communicate and problem-solve when they feel safe and regulated.

Before immediately correcting behaviour, consider whether your child first needs help to regulate.
This might involve:

• lowering your voice;
• reducing the amount of language you're using;
• giving the child additional processing time;
• acknowledging their feelings;
• reducing unnecessary demands;
• moving to a quieter environment;
• offering familiar sensory or regulation supports;
• staying nearby without forcing interaction.

For example, instead of:
“Stop yelling and calm down.”
you might try:
“I can see this is really hard. I'm here. We can work it out together.”

​This does not mean removing all boundaries or expectations. It means recognising that regulation often needs to come before reasoning.
Parents interested in developing these skills further can explore our resources on Emotional Regulation.

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2. Focus on What You Want Your Child to Do

Instructions are often easier for children to understand when they describe the behaviour you want to see, rather than only telling the child what not to do.
Instead of:
“Don't run.”
try:
“Walking feet, please.”
Instead of:
“Stop shouting.”
try:
“Use your quieter voice.”
Instead of:
“Don't throw your toys.”
try:
“Toys stay on the floor or table.”
Keep instructions:

• short;
• specific;
• realistic;
• developmentally appropriate;
• focused on one or two things at a time.

For some children, visual instructions, demonstrations or gestures may work better than lengthy verbal explanations.

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3. Notice and Reinforce Helpful Skills

Children benefit when adults notice the behaviours and skills they are developing.
​
Rather than using broad praise such as:
“Good job!”
try describing exactly what you noticed:
“You waited while I finished talking.”
“You told me you needed a break.”
“You put your shoes on after I asked.”
“You were frustrated and used your words to tell me.”
“You came back when you were ready.”

​Specific feedback helps children understand which skill was successful.
This can be especially useful when developing:

• communication;
• waiting;
• turn-taking;
• asking for help;
• requesting a break;
• coping with transitions;
• completing routines;
• problem-solving;
• emotional regulation.

Importantly, praise and reinforcement should not require children to hide distress, suppress harmless self-regulation strategies or appear neurotypical.

The goal is to support meaningful functional skills, not compliance for its own sake.

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4. Make Expectations Predictable

Uncertainty can make everyday situations much harder for some children.
Predictability may be increased through:

• visual schedules;
• timers;
• first–then language;
• countdowns before transitions;
• consistent routines;
• clear explanations about upcoming changes;
• visual checklists;
• choices between appropriate options.

For example:
“First shoes, then outside.”
or:
“Five more minutes of Lego, then we're getting ready for dinner.”

Some children benefit from several transition warnings rather than one sudden instruction.

​A visual schedule can also reduce the amount of verbal prompting required throughout the day.

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5. Offer Meaningful Choices

Appropriate choices can give children a sense of autonomy while maintaining necessary boundaries.
Instead of:
“Get dressed now.”
you might say:
“Would you like the blue shirt or the green shirt?”
Instead of:
“It's homework time.”
try:
“Would you like to start with reading or maths?”

The key is to offer choices that you are genuinely comfortable accepting.

Avoid presenting something as a choice when it isn't one.
For example:
“Would you like to get in the car?”
can be confusing if leaving is actually necessary.

In that situation:
“It's time to get in the car. Would you like to carry your bag or would you like me to carry it?”
provides autonomy within a clear boundary.

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6. Adjust the Environment

Sometimes the most effective behaviour strategy involves changing the environment rather than repeatedly asking the child to change.
Consider whether you can:

• reduce noise;
• reduce visual clutter;
• provide a quieter workspace;
• break tasks into smaller steps;
• build movement breaks into routines;
• provide additional processing time;
• change the timing of difficult activities;
• reduce unnecessary waiting;
• use visual instructions;
• prepare the child before entering busy environments;
• make sensory supports available.

This is particularly important when sensory processing differences are contributing to distress.

You can learn more in our Sensory Processing Difficulties resource.

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7. Consider Whether the Expectation Is Realistic

When behaviour occurs repeatedly around the same demand, consider whether the expectation needs adjusting.
Ask:
Can my child actually do what I'm asking right now?

A child may understand an instruction but still have difficulty with the executive functioning, communication, motor, sensory or regulation skills required to carry it out.
For example, “clean your room” may involve:

1. deciding where to start;
2. sorting multiple objects;
3. maintaining attention;
4. organising belongings;
5. sequencing tasks;
6. managing distractions;
7. persisting until completion.

Instead, the first instruction could be:
“Let's put all the books on the shelf.”

Once that is completed, move to the next step.

Reducing task complexity isn't necessarily lowering expectations. It can be scaffolding the skills needed to eventually complete the task more independently.

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8. Use Consequences Carefully

Consequences are part of everyday life, but they work best when they are logical, proportionate and connected to what happened.

For example, if water is deliberately tipped onto the floor during play, an appropriate response might involve helping clean the spill.

An unrelated punishment-such as cancelling an activity several days later-may do little to teach the relevant skill.

Before introducing a consequence, consider:

• Does my child understand the connection?
• Is the response proportionate?
• Am I teaching an alternative skill?
• Was the behaviour actually within the child's control?
• Could sensory overload, communication difficulty or dysregulation have contributed?
• Will this help the child manage the situation differently next time?

​The aim should be learning and repair, rather than punishment.

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9. Teach Skills Outside Difficult Moments

The middle of an escalation is rarely the best time to teach a complex new skill.

Practice skills when your child is calm.
Depending on the child, this could include practising:

• asking for help;
• requesting a break;
• identifying emotions;
• waiting;
• taking turns;
• coping with losing;
• transitioning between activities;
• problem-solving;
• recognising body signals;
• using regulation strategies;
• communicating “no”, “stop” or “I need space.”

Role-play, visual supports, stories and modelling can all help.

The more familiar a skill becomes during calm periods, the easier it may be to access when situations become challenging.

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10. During an Escalation, Reduce Demands

When a child becomes highly distressed or dysregulated, their capacity to process language and solve problems may decrease.
During these moments:

• use fewer words;
• speak calmly;
• avoid lengthy explanations;
• reduce unnecessary demands;
• provide physical space where safe;
• reduce sensory stimulation where possible;
• allow additional processing time;
• prioritise immediate safety;
• avoid trying to “win” an argument.

Once everyone is calm, you can return to what happened and consider what might help next time.

For more detailed strategies, see our Escalations and You resource.

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What May Not Help

Every child is different, but approaches that rely heavily on control or punishment can sometimes escalate distress without addressing the underlying issue.

Be cautious about:

• yelling;
• shaming;
• threatening;
• humiliating the child;
• lengthy lectures during distress;
• inconsistent boundaries;
• unrealistic expectations;
• removing unrelated privileges;
• forcing eye contact;
• interpreting every behaviour as deliberate defiance;
• repeatedly demanding explanations while the child is dysregulated;
• rewarding children specifically for suppressing harmless neurodivergent behaviours.

A more useful question is often:
“What skill or support is missing here?”

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Look After Yourself Too

Supporting a child through frequent or intense behavioural challenges can be demanding.

Parents and caregivers may benefit from:

• sharing responsibilities where possible;
• taking breaks;
• asking family or trusted supports for assistance;
• discussing concerns with the child's school or therapy team;
• accessing professional support for themselves when needed;
• remembering that strategies often need adjustment over time.

Consistency does not mean responding perfectly every time.

It means trying to create a reasonably predictable and supportive approach across the child's important environments.

When Should Parents Seek Additional Support?

Consider seeking professional support when behaviour:

• frequently affects home, school or community participation;
• causes significant distress for the child or family;
• involves risk of injury to the child or others;
• involves running away or other significant safety risks;
• substantially interferes with learning or relationships;
• changes suddenly without an obvious explanation;
• appears connected to communication or sensory difficulties;
• becomes increasingly difficult to understand or support;
• is occurring across several environments.

A sudden or significant change in behaviour can also warrant discussion with your child's GP or relevant health professional, particularly when pain, illness, sleep difficulties, medication effects or other health factors may be involved.

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Which Professional Might Help?

The most appropriate professional depends on what is contributing to the child's difficulties.

Positive Behaviour Support

A Positive Behaviour Support Practitioner may help when behaviours are complex, persistent or significantly affecting quality of life and participation.
PBS considers the person's communication, environment, relationships, sensory experiences, health, routines and other factors that may contribute to behaviour.

Occupational Therapy

Occupational Therapy may be appropriate when behaviour is connected with sensory processing, emotional regulation, executive functioning, routines, motor skills or participation in everyday activities.

Speech Pathology

Speech Pathology may help when communication difficulties contribute to frustration or make it difficult for a child to express needs, choices, feelings or boundaries.

Counselling and Psychology

Counselling or Psychology may be relevant when emotional wellbeing, anxiety, coping, relationships or other psychological factors are contributing to difficulties.

Different disciplines may sometimes work together depending on the child's individual needs.

Behaviour Management Tips: Quick Checklist for Parents

When behaviour becomes challenging, consider:

Before
☐ What happened immediately beforehand?
☐ Is my child tired, hungry, uncomfortable or overwhelmed?
☐ Is the environment contributing?
☐ Is the expectation realistic?
☐ Does my child understand what is expected?
☐ Have I provided enough warning or predictability?

During
☐ Am I staying as calm as possible?
☐ Can I reduce my language?
☐ Can I reduce unnecessary demands?
☐ Does my child need more space or less stimulation?
☐ Is everyone safe?

​After
☐ What might my child have been communicating?
☐ Is there a pattern?
☐ What skill could we practise when calm?
☐ Could we change something in the environment?
☐ What worked well?
☐ Do we need additional professional support?

Frequently Asked Questions - Behaviour Change Tips for Parents

What causes challenging behaviour in children?
There isn't usually one universal cause. Behaviour may be influenced by communication difficulties, emotional regulation, sensory experiences, tiredness, pain, anxiety, task demands, changes in routine, relationships, environmental factors and many other variables.
​
Understanding what happens before and after behaviour, together with the child's individual circumstances, can help identify possible contributing factors.

Is behaviour always communication?
Not necessarily in a simple or deliberate sense.

Behaviour can sometimes communicate needs, distress, discomfort or difficulty coping, particularly when a child cannot easily express these experiences verbally. However, behaviour is complex and may be influenced by several interacting factors.

Should parents ignore challenging behaviour?
There isn't a universal rule that challenging behaviour should be ignored.

The appropriate response depends on the behaviour, its possible function, the child's needs and any safety considerations. Understanding why the behaviour may be occurring is usually more useful than applying one strategy to every situation.

What is positive reinforcement?
Positive reinforcement involves something valued occurring after a behaviour or skill, making that behaviour more likely to occur again.

For parents, this can include specific praise, attention, access to an activity or another meaningful response when a child uses a developing skill.
Reinforcement should be individualised and used to support meaningful skills rather than simply encouraging compliance.

What should I do when my child is having a meltdown?
Prioritise safety and regulation. Reduce unnecessary language and demands, decrease stimulation where possible and allow your child appropriate time and space.

A meltdown is generally better understood as a state of overwhelm or dysregulation rather than deliberate misbehaviour.
Teaching and problem-solving are usually more effective after the child has regulated.

Are consequences appropriate for children with Autism or ADHD?
Logical and proportionate consequences may sometimes be appropriate, but parents should consider the child's developmental abilities, communication, executive functioning, sensory needs and regulation.

A consequence is unlikely to teach the intended lesson if the child did not have the capacity to meet the expectation in the first place.

What's the difference between behaviour management and Positive Behaviour Support?
General behaviour-management strategies can help parents establish routines, communicate expectations and teach everyday skills.

Positive Behaviour Support is a more comprehensive, person-centred and evidence-informed approach. It seeks to understand why behaviours occur and develops individualised strategies that consider communication, health, sensory experiences, relationships, routines, environment, quality of life and participation.

When should I consider a Functional Behaviour Assessment?
A Functional Behaviour Assessment may be considered when behaviours are persistent, complex, difficult to understand or significantly affecting safety, participation or quality of life.

The purpose is to understand factors contributing to behaviour and inform appropriate supports rather than simply label the behaviour.

Supporting Your Child With Belong Health

There is no single behaviour strategy that works for every child.

Effective support starts with understanding the individual child-their strengths, communication, sensory experiences, relationships, environment, routines and the skills they are still developing.

Belong Health provides multidisciplinary allied health services for children and families across Perth, Mandurah, Rockingham, the Peel region and wider Western Australia, with clinic-based, mobile and telehealth options depending on the service and individual circumstances.

Our team includes Occupational Therapy, Speech Pathology, Positive Behaviour Support, Counselling, Psychology and other allied health supports.

Need help understanding what service may be appropriate?
Contact Belong Health or call 08 9586 3934 to speak with our team.

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Related Resources

Positive Behaviour Support
Functional Behaviour Assessment
Emotional Regulation Difficulties
Escalations and You
Sensory Processing Difficulties

Have a question? or need more information

Our friendly team are happy to help call us on 08 9586 3934 or send us a message